Divine Appointment
One important lesson I think I can learn from all those gossipping and slandering is... learn to forgive and learn to discern who are the people that I need to avoid.
After talking to Uncle and felt in my heart, I decided, there are a list of people that from now on, I got to make a decision to maintain a distant with.
It is really divine appointment that I met Uncle a few months back because I was curious to hear about his calling.
It is even more divine that before everythings happened, whatever he shared with me, I kept it at the back of my mind and now that I looked back, a lot of things can be stopped if human never allowed their mouth to go wild yet if we sincerely repented, it is between God and us. So, whatever storms there is, God will bring restoration.
And during this whole season, there is one major decision that I need to make and there was hesistation because if I stepped into it, there will be controversy coming in the near future.
And there are moments I have my hesistation because I was thinking what others around me will feel.
Yet when everything happened and I went for Pst Phil's meeting, I know and I know that God is worth everything.
Uncle was patient, he just give me the option.
Bao Ling is very encouraging.
The 1st ever person that I revealed what really going on beside the gossipping and slandering and what decision I have to make and if all these never happened, I won't have realised that I fighting all these is to breakthrough into my calling.
Because of this, I grow closer to Uncle and know that, even though I still got a distant to go for in this friendship, I know that beside my 1st CGL, this man, this Uncle is someone who I can flow with.
Through him, I get to know people who saw the same vision as me.
It is divine, it is appointed and I got to be glad that nothing happened for a wrong reason.
Everything that was done and said, everything... is not wrong. Just amoral.
Yet we hoped things will be better but while it can be deal in a better way, because of it, I once again know that, this is a test of how am I going to face the storms.
I am standing in a position of readiness.
All these while, I had people telling me that through all pains, I will reach where I suppose to go but I just need to continue to walk on. I had people telling me that God is ready to pour down upon me. I had people that said that I won't be waiting very long for my vision.
And through it all, Uncle told me one thing. Something we got to make the most unpopular decision for the Kingdom of God.
And I know, God will always be with me. His presence and anointing. And I praying for increase to come into my life.
Right now, I need to continue pray for the decision that I have to make in the near future.
It won't be easy. But I believe with God all things are possible.
Because of Him, it is worth everything.Labels: Vision
Remembering the LORD @ 8:32 AM
Happy day
Today has an interesting and happy day.
Too interesting and the things that happened during AC happened again.
Last time I had a heart attack, now I can deal with it calmly and all this while, only 2 of them become my friends.
And who knows, out of these 2 persons, one I often go and ask for advices.
And all these while in my heart, his advices are the most useful, beside Uncle one and I really take his advices seriously.
Regarding knowing people or about vow.
His and Uncle's advices are the one that I decided to listen to.
Oh well, I am truly and really amazed!
Happy day!
And tomorrow, let me be bless for translation! =DLabels: Happiness
Remembering the LORD @ 2:09 AM
Finally!
I have always been thinking for the past few months about the vision that was placed before me.
Today I had my answer.
Maybe that why everything has been happening.
I was always pondering, should I follow Uncle or not.
Though I agreed to pray about in the beginning, I wasn't couragous to take it up.
Many factors, and people but now, I sensed no hesistation.
And I found myself trusting in Uncle and acknowledge him as one of the inner circle friends who will help me to grow.
Because of everythings and storms that happened around me, all throughout the season, I have been learning to share with Uncle and take his advises into my mind and kept into my heart.
And he also told me one thing, 3rd parties really kills.
He already told me that a lot of things can be simplified but people make things complicated because of our fallen nature and because they trying to do what they think is best and imposing their standard upon others.
Today message was exactly the same topic that we chatted about on last night.
Freedom...
I found myself one step closer to full freedom.
And the verses given was one thing that I won't forget again.
3 times it was given to me this year.
It was a verse that I once given many years back and now, it is a reminded of where I am heading.
Thanks God, thanks for the people You sent to me.
I will ride through the storms.Labels: Vision
Remembering the LORD @ 12:51 AM
Unexpected Conversation
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Yesterday had a long chat with Uncle.
2 hours and I learnt a lot of things.
Placing everything aside, I moving forward and as I heard of his vision, I was seeing into my vision.
God doesn't place the group of us together for nothing.
Some unexpected people are coming into our group and we still don't understand what God is trying to do for us.
But I decided.
I thank God that I am still on vow.
Cause I don't have to think much like those who are not.
I still have a few months to think about the vision that was shared between the group of us.
The pros and the cons came to me for weeks and after all these things that I had to settle, and I looked to those who are attached and was struggling to decide, I am given the opportunity to think what I really want.
But just one unexpected topic about the conversation that got me to laugh it off.
To me, it seem impossible.
I already put it into the impossible category since last year even when people talked about the possibility.
I couldn't imagine if it happened, it will be so funny.
But I did tell Uncle that, I couldn't help but sometimes thought about how generous the person is.
Always remember that when we were all financially very tight along with another friend of ours, the person still will bless me and the friend and his theory is, the more I bless, the more I receive so just bless!
I learnt this from him.
Whenever I met a friend, someone in need, I just give because I couldn't forget when we had nothing, totally nothing, and we received.
The next few months will be expecting the unexpected to happen.
Don't know what are those unexpected things.
But I just trust God to bring all of us through.
The group of us who God has brought together.
I want to help yet part of me still unsure where I am to fix in.
But never mind, through Uncle, all he tell me is I need to be bold.
I can do so much more but I need boldness.
I will persist!!
And I will continue to move on.
That why, yesterday I had so many phone calls to make to settle some stuffs so that I can rest my heart and get out of the storm.
Peace be to the storm.Labels: Conversation
Remembering the LORD @ 9:13 AM
In Mind, to be settle!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
There are a few things I need to settle down in a list...
1st to be in the list: The Dead Sea Scrolls Exhibition.
2nd: To cut my hair and maybe... do something drastic to it.
3rd: Save for Taiwan Trip, after talking to Mark, think I better postponed it to May.
4th: Planning to go Malaysia... Still thinking which girl should I ask to go with me.
5th: A list of stuffs that need to settle and get.
6th: Finish all things that I borrow. 2 books and a series tape?
Oh my, and lastly: the KL mission trips I looked into is fully packed according to Baoling! Goodness...
*faint*
All the best to me. =PLabels: Lists
Remembering the LORD @ 8:43 AM
Passion + Desire = FIRE
Today I suddenly have a vision, and I understood, it didn't take me to me a leader right now to be a missionary.
I suddenly found a reason to work hard.
That is to save up so that I can go for mission trips.
I suddenly found the fire ignited in me in a very strong way!
Well, Pei Xin "prophesied" over me in msn, and I was reminded of my secondary vision yet, I need to be focus, to make my primary vision coming to pass.
I need finances to sustain my vision.
And I gonna press in harder.
Now I am going to pray for extension of contract and better pay in the near future.
I need to be focus again and again on this cause!
I need to be hard working + vision-focus to move on!
I need to know where I am heading.
It is time for another vision planning.
Another time to write down what I hope to achieve within the next one year.
Even if some people expect this and that from me, I got to know where the Holy Spirit is guiding me.
Now I have a reason why I am doing what I am doing!
Jia you Evangeline!
I know I can, because my God make it possible for me!Labels: Vision
Remembering the LORD @ 12:59 AM
Revealing of the Truths
Sometimes, it is so funny how people trying to hide things from me and yet, through the most unexpected situations, I had found the truths.
It happened to those that were under me last time, it happened even until today.
When I determined to find out more, God will send people who tell me the things I wanted to know.
Sometimes, people scared I will flare up, but I got to be honest, they will be more scared if I found out through a 3rd resources.
And sometimes, they thought they can sweep the truths under the carpet then to discover, the truths are in another person's hands.
It seem so hard to hide things from me right?
The same goes for me, I gave up hiding my life when I discovered my shepherd knows me well enough to know my vision, my dream, my life and what I went through even without I told him.
He was my spiritual father.
Now I got a spiritual uncle, and a couple of adopted brothers and sisters.
Sometimes, all people need is to communicate truths and not to hide that, cause it will turn out more horrible if people found out the truths through a 3rd party.
But at least, I rested my heart.Labels: Peace
Remembering the LORD @ 12:25 PM
Security
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Somehow, I wish I am more secure than anything else in this world.
So that, I won't think so much and live on with this life.
If my love language isn't quality time and affirmation of words, then I won't be caring for words and time so much.
The minute I stopped spending time with someone, the minute the lost of touch in my life is gone.
And the person will seem faraway from me.
That why, this area, I have been tested again and again and I going to pass it with flying colors!
Jia you, I can do it!Labels: Emotion
Remembering the LORD @ 7:01 AM
Having a Picture of Everything
Vision, mission, dream and many more...
I was too brain-tired to think and even write of everythings...
But I still believe, believe it or not, God will always be there to strengthen us in all aspects.
Looking back, I always remember when Mark and I had this msn conference.
I having images, pictures and visions for my future.
And they will always be with me in this walk with God and I shall see it coming to pass.
And not to forget what Kenrus shared once with me, he is willing to let go of ministry in the pursuit of God...
And until today, I learn that relationships precede ministry.
I am now where I am because I got friends who is with me, and friends who carry the similar callings with me.
I met my fair share of off-balance people but nonetheless, God will always be the voice that I will follow till the end.
Having a picture of everythings, that what kept us going...Labels: Vision
Remembering the LORD @ 1:33 AM
Continue on into Submission
If I ever said I am willing to submit to correction, I will be a liar.
The fresh is always weak, unwilling to admit that we are wrong, but when I think about it and check in my heart, I realised, my attitude is not always as good as some think.
Sometimes, I struggled, facing correction and many times I wondered and self reasoning yet many times I realised... I am really in wrong and all it take is the willingness to admit I am wrong.
Who love to submit?
Who love to admit they are wrong?
But those who take courage into submission under authority and changing our mistakes can take us further than we ever think.
Every single day, I need to really crucified my fresh and turn from the wicked ways!
We must never fall into the trap of pride.Labels: Attitude
Remembering the LORD @ 12:25 AM
More than just a DREAM
Dream will always remain a dream unless we do something about it.
Until today, I still strongly decided that to further study is all that is matter to me.
Next 1 year, I will want to continue to work, and then the next step will be to slowly paid back my dad's CPF though to him, he found it funny, as they don't have worries about lack of CPF, after they hit the age of 55, they can actually live a good life.
And... I thank God for it as all the taught me is, focus in whatever I want to do, be successful, be independent and they only need to think for my sister's future while I am free to pursuit whatever I want.
Translation, counselling, full-time ministry...
If I can go and further study in all these, I feel I can take up to the next few years...
But, to further equip myself, to finish the race well, after doing some research, I start to replan my life.
It is more than just a DREAM.
It is a call, a VISION, a DESTINY!
I might not be the best and bright student during my Nursing years, but... my Diploma gave me an advantage when come to counselling course.
My Chinese Language gave me an advantage to pursuit translation.
And my passion for Theology keep me in track to study and continue to pursuit a dream to go in depth and pursuit my DREAM.
It doesn't seem easy when I was searching the net frantically, trying to find a course and a school that I can focus on as I go back to the workforce.
Gambatte!
I will work hard toward this call...
This dream of MINE!Labels: Dreams
Remembering the LORD @ 10:00 PM
Focus Back to GOD's Promises
Over the past few weeks, has been knowing people... Hearing many stuffs and having people telling me that I got great potential to do this and that, or what should I do for this and that...
Like usual, voices of people trying to lead me to make the so called right decisions.
But I decided, no one, I SAY AGAIN... NO ONE, beside GOD, can determine where I should go.
I made a decision, and my focus will always be to God.
What if I never work with this and that person?
What if I never make this decision?
I has been sharing here and there with some people about what others have approached me about.
Some with flakiness, some with a heart of truly wanting to help me fulfil my vision.
But the end of the day, this life that I live in is not just about vision but people.
People-orientated.
I might be a very vision-orientated person in the past, but right now, before vision is people.
When people become my focus, God will bring me into my vision.
I truly believe... And end off, I stopped thinking and FOCUSING!
Those that heard a little from me, like I said, I prayed and will continue to pray...
=DLabels: Promise
Remembering the LORD @ 9:45 PM
Prayers revive!
After praying and committing my mind to God...
Now now now, it is time to smile and walk through.
Thanks for those who I have met, it is really good time talking and sharing.
Now now now, focus on walking on...
The journey is still very very long!Labels: Prayers
Remembering the LORD @ 4:19 PM
Praying to the Father
Yesterday was really unexpected that I will be talking to the brother one on one.
The friendship was started when I got this curiousity to know him and I initiated the facebook chat a few weeks back and started to chat with him over facebook.
Yesterday was the 1st time we actually talked personally about me and what has been bothering me.
When I came into the group to fellowship, there were many questions that I carried.
In my heart, when he turned to me and talked about discipleship and wanted to include me in, for a moment, I stared at him with a blank look and he told me, it must be a shock? Since I just newly knew them and I barely know am I more spiritual or he is more spiritual.
I has my own questions at the moment.
The fellowship seem different.
The presence of God is there that make me desire more. To be with this group of people.
I once called up this brother after Friday FOP, and told him, I felt I coming in as a friend, and hinted that I don't plan to be part of the "family", maybe as a family's friend, but... not part of it.
In my heart, there are uncertainty.
Yesterday I talked to him as he noticed I was in deep thought and for the first time, I really shared about it and my past in church that until today, I was adjusting to new environment and trying to get away from the shadow of people who once imposed legalism on me.
He was opened to tell me, I am like him, the him who went through the similar situations and struggles.
For once, I seem to find the shadow of my spiritual father.
His spiritual daughter told me, I am more like a daughter to him compared to her.
I was puzzled.
Maybe now I understood a little bit as to why she felt this way.
The similarities of where we came from.
For once, I really felt free....
Free from all bondages of rules that I once received from others and I can be frank that, no matter how I want to shake it off, sometimes it is hard as for years, I has been following others' rules because I was unsure what is right or wrong until Pastor Kong taught about antinomianism, yet after practicing it for a long season, unless it is walking by the Spirit, I really felt struck trying to get out of it completely.
For once I know, it is possible and I won't be alone.
I did ask him why am I here with the group and he shared with me more about his vision.
As I heard of it, the same feeling, the same tug came upon me.
But he told me, the sacrifices, I did tell him my concerns and all we agree on is to pray.
As I was on my way back, I was talking to the sister who I just knew sometimes back.
I did tell him that I felt there is a closeness with this spiritual daughter of his when I first met her. I felt that I can be opened to her and shared.
Like there is a click within us.
I talked to her and decided I need to pray more to know is all these are the will of God.
Because it could open door for me to enter into my calling and even since 3 years back, when I decided to give my whole life to pursuit this call, I made a lot of decisions which involved my family.
Until today, whenever people know of my calling, they would imposed this and that in me but all this brother did is believe in me and offer his hand to me.
And one thing he told me, believe in God, trust in Him and Him alone.
People's voices are no longer an issue. Only God and only to God is the Alpha and Omega.
Abba Father, only You understand what I has been going through, all the struggles, all the confusions and uncertainty. Today I give it all to You in exchange for true freedom. I believe that You are Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. In You, I has found a future and a hope.
Lord Jesus, I pray that for all of my life, I will be focus on Your call and You alone. No one matter beside You.
In Jesus' name I pray. Amen!Labels: Prayers
Remembering the LORD @ 10:53 AM
Beholding the Night
Night time is meant to sleep yet many of us choose to sleep late.
Beholding the night, we need to rest no matter how restless we are.
We need to say good night, because no matter how nice the night might seem, it is time to rest and say good night.
Good night everyone!
I love the night!Labels: Nightime
Remembering the LORD @ 12:35 AM
See beyond looks
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
While others were complaining about the overcooked and tasteless food packet, I actually managed to finish the whole pack.
Overcooked vegetable, salty egg and dry chicken pieces...
All these sound a bit disgusting.
People don't dare to eat those...
But I actually finished all.
And for 2 weeks, I hasn't been able to eat well, but for the 1st time, I ate well and I enjoyed it.
Never judge a book by its cover.
Truly, this word was proven to be true once again!Labels: Revelation
Remembering the LORD @ 12:11 PM
Having a Balance LIFE
Finally SOT is in the midst of Theology.
Was having lunch with Wilson when someone used a word that referred to the study of the book of Revelation.
It sort of bringing me back to the time when I was a babe in Christ, where Revelation amazed me.
Over the years, my love for Theology never grow lesser but increases, but over the years, I also learnt to have a balance and not dwelled not much in it.
Last time, I did many research, had many resources for me to study, my whole life before Poly was dedicated to study Theology.
It also remind me that because of Theology, that when Mark knew me better, beside being the quietest girl in the cluster.
I love debating on Theology, the amazement of it came from the huge study of Theology that until today, no one can give a definite answer to some of the most difficult question.
Like in Deut 29:29,
The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.
Over the years, I have learnt not to dwell too much in it as Gabriel once told me, he don't know everything cause there are many things that are yet discovered and only the Lord knows.
But what we knows, we applied it in our life and live out the great commandment, great commission and now also the cultural mandate.
We are moving into the next generation...
And while we learnt about God and everything there is to know about, it's only serve to form our foundation in our Christian Faith but when it come to reaching out and impacting the marketplace, we got to be relevant.
I still believe, I can love Theology, go and further study in it, yet remain a heart and passion for the marketplace.
It is the key to being BALANCE!
Well, I will miss Wilson and some of his amazing theories.
It is good to meet different people and hear from them their views.
Not everyone's views can be taken, but those views that really see things in a different angle are what make the Theology so amazing.Labels: Theology
Remembering the LORD @ 9:50 PM
What an amazing day...
To count it good? Or to count it misfortune?
Leslie and I never managed to pick up Siang Lun from airport!
Where is she?
It is a mystery.
All I know is, she isn't on the plane that she suppose to be in.
And we waited for 2 hours.
And we trying to entertain ourselves by doing a lot of funny things...
Man, that is what self entertainment is about.
Because we wanna took a long ride bus, we went and took Bus 36 and Bus 75 and by the time I reached home, it was 9pm!
From 6 plus till 9pm...
I won't said it is fruitful day, neither will I said it is a fruitless day.
But to spend time with my future Bukit Panjang Brother is good.
And thank Leslie for the spare phone. I am grateful to it.
If you lent me the LG phone, I will be like amazed cause LG phone is even more high tech than the Nokia slide phone you lent me...
Lols...
Well, tomorrow away for SMU camp and thank God that they allowed me to use their laptop whenever I want... =PLabels: Unexpected
Remembering the LORD @ 9:29 PM
Mature Vs Babe in Christ
The mature will always walk by the peace of God, while the babe will walk by fear of people.
The mature will rely on God for guidance, while the babe will rely STRONGLY on people for guidance.
The mature will walk in the light, while the babe will try to hide when things don't go the way they want it.
The mature will walk in obedient according to the words of God, while the babe will walk with rebellion in their heart.
We always tried to make ourselves look mature in front of others... The list can go on and on... But maturity come through our actions, the ways we reacted to God and people, the ways we reacted to situations. How well we handle our life will show how mature we really are.
Romans 8:14
For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.
Even I can't say that I am fully mature in Christ Jesus, but as many as are led by the Spirit of God, we become the son/daughter of God.
I desired to grow into maturity. Let us works toward the call of God!Labels: Revelation
Remembering the LORD @ 12:18 PM
A conviction!
Tonight had a explaination to Chloe that caused me to be awaken when I suppose to sleep.
Was sharing with her some stuffs and ended up telling her the actual date of my vow...
To many who knew me, I actually share with them a little about my desire to have a vow until SOT 2009 ended cause 3 years ago I planned to come to SOT 2009 since I would like to earn for the school fees, but... in between, because of the encounters and desire to focus and train myself to be a better person, I actually set that actual date somewhere later as I felt in my heart when is the better date.
Today, whoever that met me, I will just shared with them the 1st half of the story.
Not because I wanna to hide it. But ever since last year, I felt that I shouldn't share about the actual date.
I don't want to face the same problems I faced so many times over the past 4 years.
As I was sharing with Chloe, I was pouring out the full story and the conviction that I had.
I got doubted by people before when I shared about it and my conviction.
And today, after so many months, I decided to share with Chloe also beside sharing it with Leslie.
I still strongly believe that my timer in my blog showed what I believed it.
I don't put it for nothing.
I put it because it is a reminded of my conviction.
I fought for it, I rejected others for it, and I even goes against people to keep it.
A conviction is a conviction.
I will never forget the experiences I went through to fight for it.
Even until today, my heart is still strongly believe in it or else I won't be telling people that I don't think I will get committed to another person before that date.
The heart know it better when is the time.
And to Chloe who asked me what is my definition of a vow, all I told her is... I did try to extend it last year so that I can accompany my friend who will be ending her vow 5 months later than mine, but after a talk with my ex-CGL and prayed, I also feel that it is silly to do it.
So in the end, I never did this funny thing.
But I won't deny that I will still celebrate with my friend when she ended her.
I still remember the looks that many gave to me because I told them I wanna get attached on my birthday, and where on earth can I do that when I ending it like the day before? By miracle? By conviction?
I do know God answered prayers, so I just pray...
And still, a conviction is a conviction.
When it is finished, I can share with people that I did keep this promise and I am happy to keep it.
My countdown timer is still counting the days of fulfilling of this promise.
Now, what is your definition of a conviction?Labels: Promise
Remembering the LORD @ 1:34 AM
Rememberance of where I came from
After meeting Leslie and chatted with some people over msn...
I was remembered of where I came from and how much the past few years had been for me.
Few things to know about past me:
a. I was once a sadist.
b. I was once a heck care person.
c. I was as stubborn and manipulative as anyone can know.
d. I was once an Atheist and like to do funny cult-like things.
e. I was quiet and unemotional.
Now the new me:
a. I am still stubborn but it only come when it is regarding my visions and dreams and goals.
b. Sadist is no good, silent can be gold at moment, but I learning to be talkative.
c. I care about my future, and to others who wanna to know what I has been doing? I just spend more times preparing for my future and going back to work force in a few wks time and then continue to move toward my calling.
d. No longer an Atheist, cause it is unlikely to think that God is non-existence. Since I tasted the goodness of God, it is too hard to say that He don't exist.
e. I am not emotional but I can still be silent when I 1st knew people who I know is not new friends or young believers. You know what I mean. Observation is precious when come to these...
CHC has been my most precious family for the past 5 years.
I can still remembered how the people that integrated me in church was either no longer around or went other ways in different zones.
I can still remembered the times of "training" my 1st CGL put me through so that I learnt to rely on God and hear from God Himself.
I can still remembered how I am challenged time after time to move further even when in my heart, I can't seem to understand why and how it works.
I am a dreamer + logical person.
I was once a D & S person.
Now I am an I & S + a minor D & C person.
I still discovering the power of balance in my life.
But I will always remember, because of Him, I am here!Labels: Remembering
Remembering the LORD @ 10:00 PM
Tong and I
Yesterday night was chatting with Tong about differences between courtship and marriage.
It was a nice time talking and seeing her views on her struggles to balance her expectation.
We are all growing up and learning how to balance our expectations.
Plus, it is her 1st relationship so trial and errors is expected.
As we talked, she even wonder has I ever been in a relationship.
Oh well, never... But I heard more than enough to know what problems to expect.
After all, I spent a good deal of times listening to people on this issue.
It is eye-opening indeed to still heard after it.
As individual is unique.Labels: Unique
Remembering the LORD @ 12:38 PM
Handphone crisis!
This should be the only handphone I ever used that make it through the 1st year and survived for 1 year and 3 months.
But... It broke down after I came back from Sri Lanka.
I was wondered it is because the place I lived in Batticaloa had too many blackout.
I could still remember the spark that could be seen in the plug when we were charging our phone and camera.
Sometimes, my handphone will received weird voices when I was using it for conference call.
Sometimes, my media player isn't working and my memory card can't be detected.
Sometimes, I couldn't receive smses from people or call out.
It is the plan of handphone developer to make it that way so that every year we need to change a phone?
Headache headache...
Never mind, I shall use Pranee's method.
Pray for healing of my phone. LolsLabels: Crisis
Remembering the LORD @ 12:04 PM
