To be stronger, I got to learn to move on
I told P that I won't post it up in notes. Yet I can't help it.
All the angers that built within me finally came out yesterday.
Guess they only witnessed it for the 1st time.
I always has been a very hot-tempered person and I found it unfair when I witnessed things that isn't reasonable.
For me, the incident wasn't reasonable.
For me, false accusations is bad.
For me, miscommunication is bad.
And is all started out because of assumption.
Assumption of people's feeling.
I told P that I will let it go yet the word "unwilling" make up angry.
If I have been unwilling, I won't even approached the person urgently.
If I have been unwilling, I won't even tear down my pride to ask my ex-member who was my ex-classmate who now my enemy turned good brother for him to pay for the thing that he wanted to learn.
When he shared with me his needs for help, I really wanted to help him yet I know it is unfair for people to teach him for free.
I tried to negotiate and it is a bit hard when he said he will also look for other people.
But did anyone know how hard is it?
To ask from people that you are close to and don't wanna to spoil the friendship?
And the same thing goes to zone and whatever.
It is hard when you are asking people to pay for skills especially from close friends.
And I was so angry.
I am going away.
Facing mental stress and my mum was in a way, worried about whether has I done all the necessary things.
My friend is going away and I can't contact him as he won't be around the time I come back.
And I sick of ever hearing about relationships from the suppose "clique" of mine.
I think I has been unfair to the unknown person in the whole picture.
Now think back, when I knew this friend of mine, I only heard opinion from his CG member and turned out, when it caused me unnecessary problem and when he and my friend know one another, I has been using my another friend's opinion to see this person.
It is unfair, it seem so and after which, when I ever mentioned anything about them, it is only meant to be a normal friendship interaction thing.
And who knows people will think it another way and caused me to be defensive over my friend.
I am just so upset and maybe when I come back, everything will be forgotten to me.
I guess, in my heart, I has been feeling taken advantage of.
Trying to do my best to help.
Be a blessing and Cindy was right to say...
When you sow, you will reap.
Yet sometimes when you sow into a ground, you might not reap back.
Be wise.
And P was right to tell me to guard my heart stronger from now on.
Be careful who share things with.
Sometimes, beside leaders, we can't share with anyone.
I just need a wake up call and I received it the hard way.
P, thank for being a good friend who remain neutral in the whole situation and thank for your sincerity to keep me in prayers.
Thank everyone who smses and facebook me.
I going off.
And I letting go all to be stronger.
Stronger in my emotions.
Stronger in my thoughts.
And most of all, God is my strength and I want to be stronger for His cause.
Remembering the LORD @ 6:43 AM
