It is never my 1st choice.

As stubborn as I tried to resist and convince myself that what I wish for will come...

Yet when I faced the facts, I ultimately let it go.

As I looked back, I noticed, it wasn't my choice but God's choice and I am learning to see pass everything, knowing that God's way is higher.

It is about obeying and not about our own stubbornness.

Labels: Attitude

Clearing my desk at home...

Now in my office, waiting for my colleague so that we can pack and shift our office in one week time and here I am, while waiting, was thinking through what can I do to enhance myself when I am back home.

1st of all, my internet connection has been pretty bad for the past 1 week.

Wonder what wrong with it.

Can't be due to Window 7, maybe because my wireless modem is a bit spoiled, time to decide to change the location of my laptop so that can receive a better signal.

Looking at the bottom of my desk, on my sofa, on top of my plastic boxes, I saw stuffs everywhere, time to clear them.

Has been lagging behind the cleaning process.

After clearing some stuffs, more things started to stack itself onto the piles of unclear items, gosh, if this continue, I will never be able to fully clear my stuffs.

After tonight fellowship with NYPsters, I going to clear my desk 1st so that my laptop can move to its new location.

There are many things I want to do and time seem to be so little.

1. I need to pack my room and clear all the unnecessary papers and trash like I told myself I need to do it at least once a month.

2. Read and study the Bible everyday.

3. Read a book every week.

4. Clear my closet so that it can be empty so that in future I can replace the clothes with new collection.

5. Making full use of my GLO program.

6. Arranging my hdd and finish record the old Pst Ulf Ekman's audio tapes into MP3 format.

7. Ripped all my audio discs into MP3 format.

The list will just go on and on and I hasn't fully done all these.

Goodness, less facebook for me, games for me, anime for me and time for disciplinary actions against myself!

Gambatte neh!

My God is able, above all else, to sustain me, discipline me and guide me!

Labels: Discipline

Past few weeks had been ups and downs for me.

Trying to strike a balance.

Knowing lot of people cares about me, loves me but my heart yearn for more love from ABBA Father.

I know He gave us Jesus, He give us unconditional love.

But I just want to know in my heart that He will be there for me forever.

Despite human's love, there is Someone above watching over me and that all I want to know and experience even deeper.

Labels: Love

Hearing some stuffs.

Answered some stuffs.

Talking about some stuffs.

Where is the line of gossip?

My heart will tell me so...

Just remind myself, don't let others' opinion lead my way...

I have my own thinking and I need to go for what it is right.

Geocities deleted all users' account because they shut down!

Why they never informed me???

I lost all my images files and now, I got to redo my blog.

By the way, this skin is from my previous blog.

I am very upset. Unexplainable upset!

I told myself again and again, I will be back, I will be strong.

Even when the tornado came, the peace and stillness is within my reach.

God, be my guide! =)

Trust in YOU with all of my heart!

Labels: Trust

There are many things I don't understand.

Today waking up to a normal day with a service in the afternoon.

Trying to figure what to do.

Leg still has the cramping aftermath and I wasn't very happy about it.

Was limping as I walked, pain strucked through my leg, yet as I sat down, abandoned my anime for a while and started to look through various sermons I have that I wanna share, I starting to be happy.

Even more so as I think of the GLO Program that I going to get.

I was just msning Val when she said she could feel that I am happy.

I thought for a moment then said, I AM happy!

It has been days since I feel true joy.

I wasn't a very people person and the past few days, people drained me.

But some people also brought joy to me.

I teared, I smiled, I learnt to be myself.

It is such a joy to be accepted by others.

Thank for those who appreciate me.

It is no longer an one-sided giving.

Every kind words said can be a blessing into someone's life.

And once again, can you feel my JOY?!

Let rejoice in this court of praise! =)

Labels: Joy

Will you be there to see my changes?

I know of a few others who would.

But will you change your perspective when changes take place?

It take a few seconds to leave an impression but a lifetime to change an impression.

Will you still be there to witness the change and seeing someone's vision coming to pass?

That is one question to be thinking about.

Labels: Pondering

Never will I thought that I has formed a lunch kaki so fast after I start working in PGP.

Mag is a woman who is married and about 10 years older than me.

We clicked well when we first started working... or rather when I first started working.

Enjoyed the peaceful environment, we started out with breakfast, lunching together, go to the minimart to shop together.

She wasn't around all the times, but I really enjoyed her company, away from people who gave problems all the times and enjoyed just talking and having fun.

We served one another.

Just enjoying the company of going out to send invoices to various rooms.

She will often said, thank God you came with me or else...

I will never forget these moments.

Was on off yesterday because on monday she saw that I was very pale.

Took half day off actually to rest but it didn't seem to be enough.

So as I enjoying my off, she msned me and told me she is ending her work on next mon.

The moment has come for separation.

I know she working at PGP because she need income while looking for a perm job.

But when these happened, still very 舍不得. After all, we spent most of the working days going for lunch at our favourite canteen.

Though one thing she asked me, I am happy for her right?

I did say I am happy cause to see my friend's happy is the greatest thing of all.

And, I smiled.

I won't forget how she listened to me when I met with "unlucky" events.

The age gap doesn't matter.

What matter is the Spirit and the heart.

I will miss Mag, my lunch kaki.

And hopefully she will do well in her new workplace. =D

Labels: Memories

I just want to be happy, let life be simple.

But why can't people just help making it simple for me?

Christian faith is such a simple matter.

People added in to make it complicated.

Why can't we live a life that is as simple as the Bible?

Now, that is another issue to think about.

Labels: Emotion

Never ever talk to mum about people getting marry again.

Should have known better than to ask her where Papa went cause in the end, I sabo myself big time.

I want to master photoshop.

I need to finish all those books.

Goodness, can my time be extended?

What kind of leader do I desire to be?

That is a question to be thinking about...

Labels: Thinking

Using 2 blogs weren't easy but both layout caused me to fall more and more in love with both blogspot and wordpress.

I will be blogging at both blogs alternately according to the relevant of the blog when I post certain topic.

Well, for now... I just stick to wordpress for now. =P

Labels: Update

One thing I love is to hold on to my One and Only Piece of HDD and laptop.

As usual when I said no song request is because in SG rules, we are to keep it for ourselves and don't distribute it around. That make one a true pirate.

All music, I have a soft copy... I today saw my hard copy which are all my CDs and I saw to myself, for as long as I can keep, you won't see me use the disc, instead you will most likely to see the soft copy in my HDD.

It is super heartaching when I last time lent my disc to a friend and it came back at me, broken and shattered with scratches all over.

The person too passionate over the songs...

I now still backing up my stuffs to get ready to reformat my laptop in a couple of weeks time.

Awaiting my Ah Pa to finish his reservist. Jia you!

I am back to Imeem, uploading and arranging music from my profile.

As usual, no music request unless got exceptional cases.

I am back to my world of ONE PIECE!

Has been in an off mode since the beginning of the week.

Fall sick make me moody, having the woman's issue didn't make it any better.

Couldn't forget last week incident with Yvonne. Super duper funny.

Nicole said, it might happen when 2 persons are close to one another.

I won't consider us to be very close yet cause she is my supervisor but I am happy to know her.

And... I trying to tune back to my alert mode.

Had been having so many off mode moments that affect my normal spiritual functions and gifts.

Bad and super bad...

Didn't know it indirectly affected my brothers and sisters.

I am tuning back.

Taking a slower step at a time, letting my temper cool down more and letting myself more relax.

Having flu and stiff neck isn't the best at this moment but I am trying.

Praying time... More quiet time and definitely more P&W.

This part of the journey is like walking in the road of anticipating...

Blessings and open doors.

Working in my department is like having fun and play everyday.

Yvonne and Emmanuel are very good to me and Yvonne doted on me a lot.

Yet I never forget the vision, the call, the light of an open door.

I know the focus, see the light, awaiting the promises and the increment of the value in months to come.

Knowing Clara and Leslie seem to bring me a light into my future.

Clara's vision is like mine while Leslie's vision will bring in provision to those around him.

Long suffering and anticipating...

But I won't forget how God opened a doorway for my job.

The pay is higher and the job scope of my current project is not heavy.

Beside sometimes helping Yvonne or Emmanuel, these 2 supervisors of mine, to cover their mini job scope, life is much enjoyable over here.

Until next end of Jan then I will finally decide where to go to.

While I am here, I know, this is an anticipating season.

And I thank God for those people who willingly offered to sow into my life. Never forget and God won't forget!

Labels: Vision

Slow slow slow... I have been slow on blogging, slow on finishing my stuffs.

Busy at work? Still alright.

Work time is an enjoyable time.

Good supervisors, good colleagues.

We are the craziest bunch of people somehow.

Thank God for the prayer answered.

And I am here to dust away the spiderwebs... Hahaha

When we are younger, all that we can think about is what to do with life, and just living life as it come and go.

As we grow up, our thinking starting to change.

Even as we transformed from a youth to adult CG, similar changes still occurred.

When we were a youth CG, all we can think of is fun and crazy over guys or gals.

When we grow and transformed into an adult CG, all we starting to think of is what kind of person we see ourselves become, what kind of person we marrying to, and what kind of wedding we would like to see in future. For guys, what kind of car they would like to get and what goals they want to achieve in their career.

That what is happening to our fellowship yesterday.

Mike being his usual self was sharing about his car and what kind of car he used last time and how he need to share with his dad while Dexter was paying attention to him since both of them are like car crazy? Though Mike is the worst of all.

The rest of the gals and guys?

Those guys are just playing and enjoying and chit-chatting random stuffs while...

The gals starting to talk about wedding.

One of my ex-cgl is planning for her wedding to be at the end of next year and my CGL was talking about how she would like her wedding to be.

The rest started to talk and having fun talking.

For those who were still schooling, they also joined in.

That is a young adult CG.

For the next half an hr, even as we leave the place and went to PS, we still talking about it.

As we grow up, our focus about life changes and the topic we talked also changes.

Remind me why I love Taiwan, cause Taiwan wedding shoot is so so so unique and NICE!

I forsaked Korea for it. If not, I surely go Korea for shoot.

Only taking photoshoot on special days.

And guess, I will spend much more on shooting then banquet and all.

I even planned to go M'sia for package in future.

SG is just too expensive for all that.

We all have a right to dream. Hahahaha...

Labels: Dreaming

Feeling can be the same, but the response must be different.

The calm before the storm, riding through the storm and the stage of landing.

To see a change, the response must be different.

Labels: Response

We always go through moulding process, regardless whether we want it or not, it is always there to desire to make us a better person.

This whole season, I recognised the important of friendship.

Identified my prayers intercessors and inner buddies.

And restoring some friendships by talking with them and also not to forget building friendships with those I am not close to.

But there is just a minor group.

When mentioning about it, talking about it, trying to put it down and be friend, but just certain words that they said, even my friends would said that it sound like something is off.

Not every friendships can be surely be restored but there are some that still have hope for reconcilation in the near future.

I also have my own weaknesses and sometimes, I also need to ask myself how I view all these people.

While I might talk about it, analysed about it, and even complained about it, at the end of the day, I still hope that things will turn it better and thus I found myself more leaning toward God.

Believing that through it all, He will bring restoration to a broken friendship.

It is all just part and parcel of life.

Having an Apostle Paul's Spirit! With the guidance of the Holy Spirit! =D

Labels: Characters

Life won't always be easy but because of Him, I know how to live.

Always expect the unexpected.

Up till now, nothing give me too much of a shock.

I live life knowing that when I was hit by storms, it is not because I am out of the will of God but because I am within the will of God that why I need to overcome storms.

Like Apostle Paul, though he was shipwrecked, though he was stoned, yet he never backdown.

I want to have the Spirit of Paul and Peter.

God is merciful and kind.

His grace is sufficient for me.

I will live through everyday knowing that it is for Him that why I dare to trust.

I dare to dream, dare to walk because at the end of the day...

I won't be alone!

Labels: Trust

One important lesson I think I can learn from all those gossipping and slandering is... learn to forgive and learn to discern who are the people that I need to avoid.

After talking to Uncle and felt in my heart, I decided, there are a list of people that from now on, I got to make a decision to maintain a distant with.

It is really divine appointment that I met Uncle a few months back because I was curious to hear about his calling.

It is even more divine that before everythings happened, whatever he shared with me, I kept it at the back of my mind and now that I looked back, a lot of things can be stopped if human never allowed their mouth to go wild yet if we sincerely repented, it is between God and us. So, whatever storms there is, God will bring restoration.

And during this whole season, there is one major decision that I need to make and there was hesistation because if I stepped into it, there will be controversy coming in the near future.

And there are moments I have my hesistation because I was thinking what others around me will feel.

Yet when everything happened and I went for Pst Phil's meeting, I know and I know that God is worth everything.

Uncle was patient, he just give me the option.

Bao Ling is very encouraging.

The 1st ever person that I revealed what really going on beside the gossipping and slandering and what decision I have to make and if all these never happened, I won't have realised that I fighting all these is to breakthrough into my calling.

Because of this, I grow closer to Uncle and know that, even though I still got a distant to go for in this friendship, I know that beside my 1st CGL, this man, this Uncle is someone who I can flow with.

Through him, I get to know people who saw the same vision as me.

It is divine, it is appointed and I got to be glad that nothing happened for a wrong reason.

Everything that was done and said, everything... is not wrong. Just amoral.

Yet we hoped things will be better but while it can be deal in a better way, because of it, I once again know that, this is a test of how am I going to face the storms.

I am standing in a position of readiness.

All these while, I had people telling me that through all pains, I will reach where I suppose to go but I just need to continue to walk on. I had people telling me that God is ready to pour down upon me. I had people that said that I won't be waiting very long for my vision.

And through it all, Uncle told me one thing. Something we got to make the most unpopular decision for the Kingdom of God.

And I know, God will always be with me. His presence and anointing. And I praying for increase to come into my life.

Right now, I need to continue pray for the decision that I have to make in the near future.

It won't be easy. But I believe with God all things are possible.

Because of Him, it is worth everything.

Labels: Vision